I don’t really have a standard working week day any more, but here’s how I expect my new Wednesdays to be panning out- I swapped days, so Wednesday is now my day off, and offered to take Fin and Lyla to school when I drop Sid at playschool, to help Lauren out (in the hope that this will bring me babysitting brownie points!)
06:30- Wake up, drag self from bed, Between me and Mark, put washing on, unload dishwasher, put bins out. Make milk for Sid, who needs a good 15 minutes to wake up properly, and consequently sits staring at peppa pig episodes on the ipad. Drink tea. Much- needed lovely lovely tea.
07:00- Throw self in shower, throw self in clothes, apply zero make up, clean teeth
07:15- Persuade Sid to have a wee
07:25- Chase Sid with flannel, toothbrush and pile of clothes
07:35- Force Sid into coat, allow Sid to prat about sitting in every seat in the car, while I double check that I’ve got all the mad stuff pre-school expects me to bring- Show and tell stuff… for a two year old… who doesn’t really talk very well. Yeah, fine. Bag of fruit (take that, government subsidies), 5 t-shirts because he’s incapable of using the taps without getting soaked.
07:40- Finally get Sid in seat and buckled in, drive, at not particularly sedate pace to sister’s house before she has to leave for work
07:45- Breakfast for Sid, Lyla and Fin
08:15- Attempt to clean up breakfast/toy-based carnage, start process of requesting shoes, coats and bags are on
08:35- Finally leave house, and walk to school, Sid in pushchair sobbing that he can’t go on his scooter, Fin and Lyla giving me heart attacks every time they screech to a halt on said scooters at the edge of the pavement. Jog along with pushchair in effort to keep up
08:50- Primary school drop off- DONE!
09:00- Into preschool- lengthy and slightly stressful process of finding a name tag, putting water bottle in the right place, changing shoes and hanging everything up on the designated coloured hook. Attempt to say goodbye, and am roundly ignored (an improvement on the previous three weeks, where he sobbed every time we put the uniform on, let alone took him near the building). Slope out, waving goodbye to his key worker, in case I look like I’ve just dumped him there and ran
09:20- Tesco shop (list carefully prepared from my even more carefully prepared meal plan which was made on Sunday night, and will probably go to shit when one or the other of our parents invites us for dinner, resulting in a hasty reshuffle of the meal plan and me inevitably forgetting to put the prawns in the freezer, so they end up just rotting away in the fridge)
09:45- HOME- Supermarket shopping is much easier when you don’t have a two year old trying to escape from the trolley. Attempt to do a week’s cleaning in an hour and a half. Fail. If I was paying for a cleaner who did as bad a job as me, she would be sacked without question.
11:15- Realise forgot to eat anything for breakfast AGAIN. Trough down something inappropriate and remind myself that I was trying to cut down on refined sugar.
11:20- Continue with merry go round of washing- stripping beds, folding washing, re-loading the machine, slinging things on radiators and chucking the heating on full blast in an attempt to dry them because it ‘looks like it might rain’ and I can’t be bothered to stand in the garden putting things on the line.
11:45- Back to preschool. Probably going to be the last one in the queue for collection. Again.
12:00- Sid’s out, back in the car, home for lunch
13:00- out to the park or, more likely, to do errands loosely disguised as fun (I just need to go in x y and z shops, but then we can go look at the sad looking rabbits in Pets at Home)
15:00- Return home. Realise I’ve left the heating on full pelt, all the windows are steamed up and house resembles the subtropical paradise at Center Parcs. Swiftly turn heating off, open windows etc to hide truth from Mark. Occasionally, I get a surprise afternoon nap out of Sid, which allows me to spend two hours pansying around on the interment, but more likely afternoon continues thus…
15:15- Fold more fucking buggering washing. Hide clean, crumpled washing in pile in cupboard under the stairs, with the last three weeks’ of similar
15:30- Pick up Lyla from school. Do some kind of child-friendly activity (please not play-doh, I’ve only just mopped the floor, and it won’t be done again until next Wednesday); sneak glances at facebook while singing theme tune to Paw Patrol
17:00- Start sorting dinner out, interrupted multiple times with requests to play Mario Kart (Sid loves Mario Kart. Well, he likes picking a character, then repeatedly pressing pause on his controller, so I lose my thread, then just as I manage to make it into first place, he announces he’s bored and turns off the N64)/do puzzles/turn on the bathroom light/ make snacks (NO- IT’S NEARLY DINNER TIME!)
17.30- Speed tidy carnage that has somehow been created in last hour and a half, have cup of tea with sister when she comes to pick Lyla up
18:10- Mark returns home from work, everyone eats dinner
18:30- Tidy up dinner stuff, loaf until bath time
19:15- Bath time- One of us sorts a bath, the other tidies away 45 minutes of train track and puzzles from the floor
19:30- Stories, milk, teeth cleaned, a final wee and bed
20:00- Pack lunch and breakfast for Thursday, because I have to leave for work at the crack of dawn
20:30- Do half an hour of ironing, before giving up and hiding the pile back in the cupboard under the stairs
21:00- Sofa loafing. Ignore Mark, while playing crappy games on phone
22:00- Ignore piles of washing lovingly folded and flattened on kitchen table, switch off lights and go to bed