Maternity wear is all a load of crap

You heard me- it really is!

I have now tried on an absolutely obscene amount of maternity wear, including, but probably not limited to..

-14 dresses
-4 pairs of tights
-16 pairs of jeans (at least!)
-1 jumper
-1 skirt

And out of all of that, I’ve actually got the following in my ‘wearable’ pile in the wardrobe:

-2 dresses
-1 jumper
-1 skirt

Come on now, shop people- I’ve clearly been putting the effort in so why have my efforts been so poorly rewarded? In one mammoth ASOS order alone, I ordered eight dresses, all the same shape, all the same size and all of which fitted entirely differently and only two of them enough to actually keep hold of even though I now realise the two just make me look fat, not pregnant

I’ve burst into tears on two occasions shopping for maternity jeans that are just too tight in the calf. The calf, for pity’s sakes, it’s not even like they wouldn’t fit on the hips or anything- I couldn’t get them high enough up to check!

Maternity tights are apparently the work of the devil too- I had two pairs from Marks and Spencer (black thick ones and flesh coloured ones, cos I’m very much like the queen in that respect- not a fan of the bare legged look) and they were both entirely different sizes- The black ones’ legs were about two feet shorter than the flesh coloured ones, and H&M tights, the so-called wonder tights that pregnant women everywhere seem to swear by, have these mad seams that just dug into my thighs and pinched every time I sat down.

I’d love to say I’m giving up on my quest to find nice-fitting stuff, but apparently I’m not- two more dresses are on their way from ASOS in the post as we speak! Glutton for punishment definitely springs to mind.

The only knight in shining armour has come in the form of a very nice jumper that my sister lent me, which came from Mama’s and Papa’s. Bravo, M&P, you’ve done something right, but I really do wish that you weren’t so blessedly expensive, so I might be able to actually afford to buy some stuff from your shop of wonder.

I’m vaguely resigning myself to wearing primarni fleece-lined leggings with the waistband rolled down and big tshirts/jumpers for the next four months, like some kind of 80s throwback or possibly just admitting defeat and confining myself to my dressing gown, and staying indoors until February

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